A good memory I certainly don't have but I can not forget where God has brought me from and to...
I've been back from Germany just over a week now...and to be honest it has been tough, not because I dont like it here in Cork, 110% not, I love it here. Here is home and I've always been in love with this city. Also I have a beautiful family here, well based here. My mum and dad are here and they are wonderful to me, so wonderful. The love they have shown my brother, sister and I has definetly given me and shown me a glimpse of how God must love all of us as His children. They love us so much and want to see us happy. My brother lives in London, I miss Him dearly. And my beautiful sister lives in Dublin..gee I love them so much. But no need to frown, we are all going to Glastonbury music festival together at the end of June! It is very exciting..all of us together..it will be wonderful and interesting cause we are all so alike in some ways but are oh so very different in others.
The tough part was having a life in Germany, growing there, meeting and growing with beautiful people, learning about our God and His Word, changing inside and out..likes changed, dislikes changed...it was all about change! I come home and I know all that happened, I am different but being faced with my life before I left and leaving what was behind, I've found it hard to find my feet.
God has done work in my heart and mind but a few days into being home I was struggling with alot of what held me down before, alot of the chains I used put on myself I found I was up against again. Tempation to fall back into my old thinking, and I mean depression, my eating disorder, letting my feelings rule everything...those kind of things started to creep into my mind set again. Different to before but definetly there.
Change can be a scary thing, it can put fear into us...the feeling of being out of control of your life..thats scary. But God does not want us to be afraid. He is always in control. Always!
Today is the first day that I feel like me again. A dear friend of mine emailed me yesterday and shared with me how change effected her as she has traveled alot and changed..it helped me to recognise that it was all the change that was causing me to be low etc..but the funny thing is, my bible reading throughout the week was all pointing to this too, pointing to the fact that times change and trials change and that we change but God does not. I was worrying and didnt know how to take the next step that God wanted me to take..and so was stuck in fear..I did not want to move in any direction incase it wasnt the right step. For me and for many others I'm sure, fear can come at us and we may not even recognise it for a while, it may manifest in different ways until we eventually see it as fear.
This is what I have left consume me for the last five days..fear. The beautiful thing of it all is that God has always given us a choice, we can choose Him or not, we can choose to sin or not, we can choose to repent or not, we always have a choice. And again here I choose not to apply what I had read in the Word from day to day but to read it then worry and fear. The thing is I did not feel like I was worrying or that I was fearing choices etc..I fooled myself that I was not. But as I said these things manifest themselves in different ways. How easy it is to be blind and not see! Easier again to see but choose to ignore it! Praise God that if we really do want to see, that God is faithful to reveal it to us. He has been pointing to it for days for me, that I must repent, that I must turn to Him, depend on Him and TRUST Him and to be free from the bondage of sin I put on myself, the chains I like to throw on myself. Now I see in a fresh light again, Praise God for He is true and good and just.
Learning about the person God is moulding you into, growing into the person the Word calls us to be..is such a wonderful journey. As you can see its not a meadow full of tulips..its full of trials, stretching, dying to yourself, being willing to do as He calls us to do but I would never choose otherwise, for what it is is true freedom, its as though I can breath like never before..deep breaths that fill every curve of my lungs..this is only but a glimpse of the wonders and beauty of walking a life for God. It is a true blessing and honour.
My life is not my own..I have given it to God..when I forget this, or choose to try take control of my own life, I do not feel like myself, I am not the person I am now when I choose to control my life, instead of giving it to our God whos power and glory goes beyond our intellect and understanding. Christ came and died for you and I so that we could be set free from the bondage of slavary of sin and this world, which is not furfilling. We are now called to serve God, as Christ Jesus did, as a living sacrifice..with an eternal view. All are called but few are choosen..You have a choice to make also.
You may think serving our Lord God is not for you..but I ask you then to look at your own life and see what you are serve..what is at the end of the road you are on?What is satisfying you? Will it last? Will it change?
Our God, the creator, does not change, He will always satisfy.
Call on Him and ask Jesus to show Himself to you in your life...Call out to Him.
Open the eyes of your heart, look and see if its hardened and be willing for it to be softened, ask Him to soften your heart. There is nothing to be afraid of for He is in control.
We fail all the time.
But Jesus love never fails us.
Love Eimear
I've been back from Germany just over a week now...and to be honest it has been tough, not because I dont like it here in Cork, 110% not, I love it here. Here is home and I've always been in love with this city. Also I have a beautiful family here, well based here. My mum and dad are here and they are wonderful to me, so wonderful. The love they have shown my brother, sister and I has definetly given me and shown me a glimpse of how God must love all of us as His children. They love us so much and want to see us happy. My brother lives in London, I miss Him dearly. And my beautiful sister lives in Dublin..gee I love them so much. But no need to frown, we are all going to Glastonbury music festival together at the end of June! It is very exciting..all of us together..it will be wonderful and interesting cause we are all so alike in some ways but are oh so very different in others.
The tough part was having a life in Germany, growing there, meeting and growing with beautiful people, learning about our God and His Word, changing inside and out..likes changed, dislikes changed...it was all about change! I come home and I know all that happened, I am different but being faced with my life before I left and leaving what was behind, I've found it hard to find my feet.
God has done work in my heart and mind but a few days into being home I was struggling with alot of what held me down before, alot of the chains I used put on myself I found I was up against again. Tempation to fall back into my old thinking, and I mean depression, my eating disorder, letting my feelings rule everything...those kind of things started to creep into my mind set again. Different to before but definetly there.
Change can be a scary thing, it can put fear into us...the feeling of being out of control of your life..thats scary. But God does not want us to be afraid. He is always in control. Always!
Today is the first day that I feel like me again. A dear friend of mine emailed me yesterday and shared with me how change effected her as she has traveled alot and changed..it helped me to recognise that it was all the change that was causing me to be low etc..but the funny thing is, my bible reading throughout the week was all pointing to this too, pointing to the fact that times change and trials change and that we change but God does not. I was worrying and didnt know how to take the next step that God wanted me to take..and so was stuck in fear..I did not want to move in any direction incase it wasnt the right step. For me and for many others I'm sure, fear can come at us and we may not even recognise it for a while, it may manifest in different ways until we eventually see it as fear.
This is what I have left consume me for the last five days..fear. The beautiful thing of it all is that God has always given us a choice, we can choose Him or not, we can choose to sin or not, we can choose to repent or not, we always have a choice. And again here I choose not to apply what I had read in the Word from day to day but to read it then worry and fear. The thing is I did not feel like I was worrying or that I was fearing choices etc..I fooled myself that I was not. But as I said these things manifest themselves in different ways. How easy it is to be blind and not see! Easier again to see but choose to ignore it! Praise God that if we really do want to see, that God is faithful to reveal it to us. He has been pointing to it for days for me, that I must repent, that I must turn to Him, depend on Him and TRUST Him and to be free from the bondage of sin I put on myself, the chains I like to throw on myself. Now I see in a fresh light again, Praise God for He is true and good and just.
Learning about the person God is moulding you into, growing into the person the Word calls us to be..is such a wonderful journey. As you can see its not a meadow full of tulips..its full of trials, stretching, dying to yourself, being willing to do as He calls us to do but I would never choose otherwise, for what it is is true freedom, its as though I can breath like never before..deep breaths that fill every curve of my lungs..this is only but a glimpse of the wonders and beauty of walking a life for God. It is a true blessing and honour.
My life is not my own..I have given it to God..when I forget this, or choose to try take control of my own life, I do not feel like myself, I am not the person I am now when I choose to control my life, instead of giving it to our God whos power and glory goes beyond our intellect and understanding. Christ came and died for you and I so that we could be set free from the bondage of slavary of sin and this world, which is not furfilling. We are now called to serve God, as Christ Jesus did, as a living sacrifice..with an eternal view. All are called but few are choosen..You have a choice to make also.
You may think serving our Lord God is not for you..but I ask you then to look at your own life and see what you are serve..what is at the end of the road you are on?What is satisfying you? Will it last? Will it change?
Our God, the creator, does not change, He will always satisfy.
Call on Him and ask Jesus to show Himself to you in your life...Call out to Him.
Open the eyes of your heart, look and see if its hardened and be willing for it to be softened, ask Him to soften your heart. There is nothing to be afraid of for He is in control.
We fail all the time.
But Jesus love never fails us.
Love Eimear
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