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I am so undeserving.

And yet I harden my heart. Right at this moment I feel my heart is ready to break. All of today I have felt my heart has been hardened towards my God who has done and still does soo much for me every minute of every day. This
is an awful feeling. Its like I have forgotten how to breath. That I have stopped. A very important part of these
sentences is the I ..why you might ask..because I am the one changing my heart towards Him. He, my saviour never
changes...he always is. Moses asked what shall I tell them when they ask your name and the Lord said tell them I am.
For he is. I am the one who changes...my heart towards him changes, my mood changes, my status update changes..I change.
And you know what I also means, I means I am without him for otherwise it would be we. I without him is nothing,
I am nothing without him. Oh how I need my Lord and my saviour. Oh how I feel so much like nothing without him.
I feel lost without him, lonely without him..I feel like me with him.I have hope when I am with him, I have life when
I am with him....He is my I am. Why do I forget this or harden my heart then??

When you live in the world it is easy to harden ones heart, to protect it from the world, to keep it from hurt, to fit in..to
do sooo much but I forget I am to do nothing. He is in control, he will protect my heart and my mind. I must stay close
to him and choose to stay close to him, choose to be in his word, choose to question...choose not to live in the world but live in the Lord my God.

I praise and thank God for the holy spirit, for the convictions, for this feeling of heart break which I desire because I know my heart was hardening, hardened to the most important love and need in my life.

He is such a merciful God that though my heart is hardened and all within my is trying to turn away, the minute I cry out
to him he hears and helps. I dont deserve it but he gives and gives and gives...oh please my friends please get to know
our heavenly father. Call out to him, talk to him...oh gee please. Thats all I want for Christmas my friends..get to know
him for yourself...oh how my heart crys out for those I love to know the love that is there for us all.

I love you all dearly,
I do honestly love ye with all my heart,
please pray I keep it soft towards my Lord.



Search for Him.

Eim x

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