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So yes as Katie Tunstall says in her song Weirdo..."Still a weirdo after all these years"... yes yes I truely am. All my 23 years or at least what I can remember of them I've been unique,quirky even. I think we all must feel that way, that we are extra weird compared to the next person..we see it every day, people trying to fit in , be it with there clothes,lanuage, music, taste in films, hair do's, hair donts, tan..too much tan, no tan at all, friends, opinions, bringing each others group down so the one we are in, the "norm" we fit into seems like the "right" one. Are we..no matter what group we fall under or how much we try not to be in a group.. still trapped in that cycle of not comfortable in our own skin?? Yes some days its easy to say "well yes I am comfortable in my skin and happy with who I am" but how many days are there with the doubt,the unsureness, the self conciousness, the unsatisfation with our own bodies, our own minds, ...
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For when I am weak, then I am strong.

The testing of our faith, the trials...to persever, to grow weary...finding our strength in Him. For the past four days I have been wrestling with my own heart. Battling with my flesh, pressing forward even though much of me just wants to stand still but I dont like to stand still, if there is one thing I dont like the most of all is not getting to know the Lord new each day and just giving into self-pity and this want to put a hault on time. Yes, life is ever changing and moves happen, new people come, others go! Yes, family are missed and friends too, and of course I dont have answers for people when I am asked where?... what?.. when? and Why?...but none of that is anything big when my vision is set on Christ. This morning I continued to read in Psalm, amidst Psalm44 there is a gem, in verse 8 it says:  In God we boast all day long, And praise Your name forever. No matter what is going on around us, or how we think we feel, we must be open for ...
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Its been a week since I wrote, it really feels only a few days. More and more the time seems to fly by.. but each morning we wake its a fresh start. I think back to just this year and what has gone by. So much has changed. At the start of this year I was buying a house-with someone I knew wasnt right for me or me right for them. This year I was working in a job that i dreaded most mornings,that didnt bring out the best in me and brought me to tears more often than not...its scary to think how comfortable we get with things in our lives that arent right, that we dont like and that make us so unhappy. The person I was for the majority of this year seems like someone I was years ago...I look back and feel like years must have past because my life has change so much. Praise God for that. Even though I do seem to cry as much now as I did then but mostly I cry for I am full of joy..but when I cry because of sadness..it still isnt the same as before because I feel safe now, I am not alone...
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