Its been a week since I wrote, it really feels only a few days. More and more the time seems to fly by.. but each morning we wake its a fresh start.
I think back to just this year and what has gone by. So much has changed. At the start of this year I was buying a house-with someone I knew wasnt right for me or me right for them. This year I was working in a job that i dreaded most mornings,that didnt bring out the best in me and brought me to tears more often than not...its scary to think how comfortable we get with things in our lives that arent right, that we dont like and that make us so unhappy.
The person I was for the majority of this year seems like someone I was years ago...I look back and feel like years must have past because my life has change so much. Praise God for that. Even though I do seem to cry as much now as I did then but mostly I cry for I am full of joy..but when I cry because of sadness..it still isnt the same as before because I feel safe now, I am not alone and though I may have know that before, now I accept it.
My heart before was sooo full of sadness it would honestly feel as though I couldnt contain the pain inside it...that in moments it would burst and gush out...floods of tears, sorrow and hurt would spill from my heart. Please know though, that this hurt did not generally come from people but from myself. It would consume me... I wondered was this always going to be the way for me, was I always going to have to battle with this, with my demons, my past and my worries. For a while I did think that this was me, who I was, that I just had to learn to deal with it. That this was life...
If we were all to be honest we would say we all struggle soo much through life and that we all find ways of dealing with life and people. But what is the point to all this..what is the point to our work everyday, what is the point to our talents, what is the point to reduce reuse recycle...yes it may seem that its to make this world a better place for our children to live in, for it to be a safer place, greener place, healthier place..that it makes our days more barible and happier, but how long does that last before we begin again to think.. WHAT..what is it all about....
That is what it was like for me,time would pass, things would go up and down or stay the same for a while until again I wouldnt get it.I didnt know what I wanted to do with my life:teach, therapy, be a mum, be a gardener- I didnt know what I was good at,I didnt know how I could contribute to this ever changing world, I didnt know why or what to anything...I'd look out at the world and think there has to be more...there has to be more.This cant just be a rat race.
Do you ever notice we are in a constant cycle...happy, job, family, sad, fit, unfit, no job, boyfriend,travel, hope, excitment,questions, lost, job,happier, worry, questions, friends,breakups,lonely, questions, money, deadlines, lists...happy, sad, lonely,job. Its a constant wheel..round and round...Ive a headache even thinking about it.
The best part of this awful cycle are the questions...please do keep questioning, keep wondering..what is this all about, why am I here, why are we all here. For there is an answer... and it is for all of us and I really mean all of us. There is always hope, always.You just have to want it, you just have to want to step out of the cycle, the rat race. So many of us want to hear this. We want hope, we want to know there is more...but when the answer is given we do not want to hear. For it takes faith..belief and a willingness to give all that is involved in the rat race up. And though we want out of this cycle, this deadweight cycle..its scary the thought of leaving it, its our comfort, its what we know, its what we have lived for so long..but let me remind you of this:
" My heart before was sooo full of sadness it would honestly feel as though I couldnt contain the pain inside it...that in moments it would burst and gush out...floods of tears, sorrow and hurt would spill from my heart..... I wondered was this always going to be the way for me, was I always going to have to battle with this, with my demons, my past and my worries."
Stepping out has been the best thing I have ever done in my life..and honestly it always will be. Yes people now think I'm weird (er), I've lost it, I've changed, that its for me and not for them and whatever it takes me to get through life is fine with them... but what about YOU..do YOU not question??? It is sooo easy for us to "convince" ourselves we are happy, we are ok, that we know what life is all about. What do you believe...Do you believe in God, and if you dont why do you think those who do are wrong?? Question everything..Look outside. Seriously...look outside...Question.
The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside still waters.
He restores my soul.
He leads me in paths of righteousness
for his names sake.
-Psalm23:1-3
He, our mighty father will lead you too, he wants to so much, he loves YOU more than you can comprehend.
Have ears to hear, soften your heart, talk to him and question him, he will answer..just be willing to hear what he has to say. It wont always be easy, not at all, you wont always want to hear what he has to say...but I promise you it will be worth listening to.
God bless,
Your friend and fellow human,
With love,
Eimear
I think back to just this year and what has gone by. So much has changed. At the start of this year I was buying a house-with someone I knew wasnt right for me or me right for them. This year I was working in a job that i dreaded most mornings,that didnt bring out the best in me and brought me to tears more often than not...its scary to think how comfortable we get with things in our lives that arent right, that we dont like and that make us so unhappy.
The person I was for the majority of this year seems like someone I was years ago...I look back and feel like years must have past because my life has change so much. Praise God for that. Even though I do seem to cry as much now as I did then but mostly I cry for I am full of joy..but when I cry because of sadness..it still isnt the same as before because I feel safe now, I am not alone and though I may have know that before, now I accept it.
My heart before was sooo full of sadness it would honestly feel as though I couldnt contain the pain inside it...that in moments it would burst and gush out...floods of tears, sorrow and hurt would spill from my heart. Please know though, that this hurt did not generally come from people but from myself. It would consume me... I wondered was this always going to be the way for me, was I always going to have to battle with this, with my demons, my past and my worries. For a while I did think that this was me, who I was, that I just had to learn to deal with it. That this was life...
If we were all to be honest we would say we all struggle soo much through life and that we all find ways of dealing with life and people. But what is the point to all this..what is the point to our work everyday, what is the point to our talents, what is the point to reduce reuse recycle...yes it may seem that its to make this world a better place for our children to live in, for it to be a safer place, greener place, healthier place..that it makes our days more barible and happier, but how long does that last before we begin again to think.. WHAT..what is it all about....
That is what it was like for me,time would pass, things would go up and down or stay the same for a while until again I wouldnt get it.I didnt know what I wanted to do with my life:teach, therapy, be a mum, be a gardener- I didnt know what I was good at,I didnt know how I could contribute to this ever changing world, I didnt know why or what to anything...I'd look out at the world and think there has to be more...there has to be more.This cant just be a rat race.
Do you ever notice we are in a constant cycle...happy, job, family, sad, fit, unfit, no job, boyfriend,travel, hope, excitment,questions, lost, job,happier, worry, questions, friends,breakups,lonely, questions, money, deadlines, lists...happy, sad, lonely,job. Its a constant wheel..round and round...Ive a headache even thinking about it.
The best part of this awful cycle are the questions...please do keep questioning, keep wondering..what is this all about, why am I here, why are we all here. For there is an answer... and it is for all of us and I really mean all of us. There is always hope, always.You just have to want it, you just have to want to step out of the cycle, the rat race. So many of us want to hear this. We want hope, we want to know there is more...but when the answer is given we do not want to hear. For it takes faith..belief and a willingness to give all that is involved in the rat race up. And though we want out of this cycle, this deadweight cycle..its scary the thought of leaving it, its our comfort, its what we know, its what we have lived for so long..but let me remind you of this:
" My heart before was sooo full of sadness it would honestly feel as though I couldnt contain the pain inside it...that in moments it would burst and gush out...floods of tears, sorrow and hurt would spill from my heart..... I wondered was this always going to be the way for me, was I always going to have to battle with this, with my demons, my past and my worries."
Stepping out has been the best thing I have ever done in my life..and honestly it always will be. Yes people now think I'm weird (er), I've lost it, I've changed, that its for me and not for them and whatever it takes me to get through life is fine with them... but what about YOU..do YOU not question??? It is sooo easy for us to "convince" ourselves we are happy, we are ok, that we know what life is all about. What do you believe...Do you believe in God, and if you dont why do you think those who do are wrong?? Question everything..Look outside. Seriously...look outside...Question.
The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside still waters.
He restores my soul.
He leads me in paths of righteousness
for his names sake.
-Psalm23:1-3
He, our mighty father will lead you too, he wants to so much, he loves YOU more than you can comprehend.
Have ears to hear, soften your heart, talk to him and question him, he will answer..just be willing to hear what he has to say. It wont always be easy, not at all, you wont always want to hear what he has to say...but I promise you it will be worth listening to.
God bless,
Your friend and fellow human,
With love,
Eimear
your american friends love and appreciate you (and your honesty in writing this)! hope to see you again soon. - the okeefe's
ReplyDeleteThank you guys,means a lot. I do hope to see ye again soon too. God bless ye abundantly,
ReplyDeleteEim
thanks for sharing all this...and so good to talk to you today! His love really is amazing.
ReplyDeletehow can i follow your blog? :)
I think just go to the end of this page and click on follow,that should lead you to what to do.(if you have any problems with it let me know) Thanks alot for the comment- God is amazing and his love blows me away.
ReplyDelete